Friday, August 3, 2007

More on Rocks



One of the most profound and potentially devastating discoveries that my research team into the mating habits of rocks has found is something that may shock the core of western civilization. It was paleongeologist Dr. Ignatz Von Kipplehoffer of Vienna, while with the research team in Outer Mongolia, who came across carbon footprints that proved, without a doubt, that human beings are descended from rocks, and not, as previously thought, descended from apes. This discovery may alter all the concepts underlying evolution, biology, zoology, chemistry, physics, and tupperware. For if we are evolved from rocks, the bigger question then becomes, Who are we? What are we? And why are we? And this also explains why pet rocks were once popular. Obviously, once this information becomes public knowledge, there will be a run on pet rocks, so you may want to claim yours now.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

The Mating Habits of Rocks

As you probably are aware, my bio states that one of the things I do in my spare time is "Study the mating habits of rocks." If I had a penny for everytime someone asks me about this, I would have enough money to buy the Taj Mahal, the Albert Hall, and the Empire State Building, with enough change left over to get an order of chicken wings. Very soon you will be able to read my book based on five years of exhaustive research by my team of international scholars and myself. We have cracked the mystery of rocks and their mating habits. As you can see by the above picture, we have a rare photo of rocks caught mating in their natural environment. And as you can see from the below picture, the output of the mating are all these smaller rocks and pebbles. Look for the book, "The Secret Life of Rocks" very soon, along with the companion film, coming soon to a theater near you. Narrated by Paris Hilton.